


Sir,,, that mustache ...

by I_need_a_nap



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: F/M, Kinda Cracky, Short, its horrifying, that fucking mustache, the one from the last ed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-05 03:54:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17911538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_need_a_nap/pseuds/I_need_a_nap
Summary: Riza has some opinions on Roy's mustache that he really doesn't  agree with





	Sir,,, that mustache ...

**Author's Note:**

> y'all know the mustache I'm talking about. the one roy has in the final episodes ed. it's gross

Riza really should've said something earlier, before the whole issue got out of hand.

She had noticed Roy starting to let his facial hair get a little.... untrimmed. It wasn't disorganized or disheveled, he was just letting it grow out. She assumed it was just because he didn't have time to shave as of late, due to all his new work as Fuher. But oh boy, was she wrong. Roy just continued to let it grow and grow, and he now had a nice mustache on his face.

Riza hated that mustache.

She especially hated how much Roy seemed to love the ugly mustache. But she kept her mouth shut, if Roy wanted to look ridiculous then she would let him. But the breaking point of this mustache issue came when one day she found him idly placing with the tip of his facial hair while doing some paperwork. She just couldn't help herself anymore.

"Sir," Riza began, planning out how she would vocalize her distaste. "I can't help but notice your mustache is getting a little...wild, you might want to trim it before the Xing ambassadors come. You do need to look your best." She hoped that would convince him to at least cut some of it off.

Roy hummed and stroked his mustache. "I guess it is getting a little long." He felt it some more, "I guess I'll just have to run to the barber, get them to clean it up a bit."

Riza bit her lip slightly, that wasn't the answer she wanted. "Are you sure you'll have time for all that, sir?" She glanced at a copy of his schedule that she had. "It seems that you are booked all evening tonight, speaking with Olivier about the situation on the northern border. And the Xing ambassadors come first thing in the morning." She cleared her throat, ready to make a bold move. "Maybe you should just shave it off, just to be safe."

Roy narrowed his eyes. Riza kept her more nuetral look, hoping her bold move didn't cost her the game. Roy interlocked his fingers, looking at Riza. "I feel like you have some ulterior motives here, Hawkeye."

"Me, sir?" Riza raised a brow, feigning innocence. "What kind of ulterior motives do you thing I would have?"

Roy leaned back a bit. "Don't play coy, I know you hate this mustache of mine."

"What ever do you mean, sir?"

"I've seen the way you glare at my mustache."

"I don't glare, sir."

"Ah-hah!" Roy grinned. "So you do admit that you have at least stared at my mustache - but not to the level of a glare."

"I never said such a thing, sir." Riza gave him a slightly annoyed look. Hopefuly that would make Roy believe she really did have no ulterior motive, and was just getting annoyed by this whole game.

"Then what do you think of my mustache?" Roy inquired, keeping his gaze on Riza.

Riza shrugged. "I have no opinion on the matter, sir."

"So you don't find it to be handsome? Or ugly? Maybe you think it makes me look mature and older?" Roy asked. Riza hummed internally, so that's what Roy wanted. He let the mustache grow out so he would look mature and older. I mean, it does, but, he also looks pretty ugly as well. A win-lose situation.

"I guess it does make you look a bit older, sir." Riza hummed. "Is that why you grew it in the first place?"

"As a matter of fact, that's exactly why." Roy grinned. "Looking older would make my suboridanates respect me more, the other countries leaders respect me more, and-" He gained an even greater shit eating grin on his face. "-women will love it."

Riza smirked, holding in a laugh. That mustache was definetey women repelent, not a heart-snatcher.

Roy noticed it, frowning. "Is there something you'd like to say, Hawkeye?"

"Of course not, sir."

Roy grew even more irriated. "As your Fuher, I demand you tell me what you're thinking."

Riza sighed, he basically already knew at this point. And if she didn't answer he would just annoy her all night with questions. "Alright sir. If I'm being honest, I don't like that mustache on you. And, I don't think your mustache isn't as appealing as you think it is."

Roy looked insulted, stroking his mustache. "What do you mean, Hawkeye? Everyone tells me this mustache looks great."

What lies.

Riza cleared her throat, "You are the Fuher sir, they may just be acting polite."

Roy bristled at this. He shook his head and cleared his throat. "You know, Hawkeye, I think being around men so long as ruined your sense of beauty. You clearly just don't see the what everyone else sees." He took a sip of his tea before picking up his pen. "Thank you for your imput, but I think my mustache is fine how it is."

"If you say so, sir."

Roy shot her a glare before getting back to his work. Riza sighed to herself, cursing herself for ruining her plan like that. She shouldn't have been greedy. If she hadn't proded, Roy might have gotten a small trim at the barber, but now it was all ruined.

But what could she do now? No point in crying over spilled milk.

 

* * *

 

Riza wanted to strangle Roy.

He had grow his mustache out to an absurb length. It looked like the mustache of a Xing man, hanging down to his chin. She couldn't just let this one go.

"You really grew out your mustache, sir." Riza mentioned while he worked.

He smirked up at her, "I did, didn't I?" He shrugged. "I was actually planning to trim my mustache a lot until we had our talk last month. But after our talk, I just had to keep growing it."

Riza cursed herself. She cursed herself a hundred times. "Oh... well it looks great on you, sir."

"Glad you think so, Haweye."

Roy won this game. Riza hadn't even stood a chance.


End file.
